Dashing through the Hill,
on one hot summer day,
o’er to the bridge house I go,
laughing all the way.
But one late rainy night,
My name reigned out of spite——
Hol’ up, hol’ up….
You don’t know me. You know how I know? Because I don’t even know me. I haven’t figured myself out yet.
What I do know is that I’m very dysfunctional. and I don’t need anyone to tell me that.
I find myself to be very complex. But y’all don’t know that.
I tend to think of myself higher than others. It’s not my fault.
I tend to think more than I speak, which causes me to think I have a higher degree of power and knowledge than others.
Am I wise? Nah, not there yet. But I’m getting there.
I just think too much. And when I actually do speak, my words/actions are broadcasted before my thoughts can take precedence.
Oh, it’s a scary thing.
But I have a feeling y’all don’t even know about that.
See, I have difficulty with the way I choose my words… which is why I tend to think a lot more things through than others.
Sometimes I’m afraid to speak.
The only thing on this earth that allows me to break that barrier is my anger.
Oh yeah, one thing y’all do know about me… [if you really know me], is that I have anger issues.
I get it from my dad.
My dad tells me a lot of things. but one thing he says sticks with me the most, “Chidinma, don’t ever be like me. I get angry all the time. Don’t be like that. Don’t be like me. It’s a crazy thing.”
I know, dad. I know. But I can’t help it at this point.
My temper is super glued into my character like no other. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry in advance to all my ‘friends’ that ever encounter me, then turn away because of my anger.
It’s a scary sight.
Anyways, I started this out with… I guess, a song-poem thing going on.. but I realized I’m just not in the mood.
I just want somebody to understand where I’m coming from. What I go through internally. The things others can’t see, I want someone to see. I want to open up to someone and know that I can for sure trust him.. her.. whoever.
It really sucks when you have no one to talk to, but I’m not about to make this more of a sob story than it already is. I just wanted to get this out somewhere.